.s t a r s h i n e.

Selamanya hamba sekarat dalam sayat rindu meski badai memukul tiada ampun luluh, habis jatuh menggapai-gapai, jauh menembus relung kosong, tenggelam di gelimang pupus pada sebuah ujung hamba tengadah masih menanti membiru Sewindu sudah dan tiada pernah bertepi (desiran pantai) salahku sewindu,  selamanya

deep down i know this never work not until we realized that our stories barely has no meaning or maybe it's just me, and that's always made everything of it hurt so much more we argued that night, and i know i was wrong trying to figure it out that i should not we fight like we never did and again, i'm blaming my self for what just happened and again, you left me just like you never did but today, i find you lay down on my bed, like everything was ok you gave me a beautiful smile like we still crazy in love oh baby, this ain't love, not in that way

entah dari mana batasnya air hujan itu jatuh  kelabu langit memudarkan titik mulanya berderai-derai berpijakku basah tergenang menguyup tubuh yang tiada berbalut hari ini kali kesekian aku meminta  oh tuhannya para dewa, adakah hari berpenghujung itu? saat dimana leherku berbalut bunga dengan pundak berbalut sutra ungu mungkin terlalu berlebihan  jika si punguk aku  merindukannya memeluk dan berbisik, au revoir..   dan mati bersama           *terinsipirasi dari seekor katak hujan yang diam berlindung di balik hangatnya roda mobil di garasi,  sepertinya sedang menunggu dijemput, berdua sepayung.. :)

find me someone to talk about mountains and those birds find me someone to talk about how it feels being lost sometimes i dont have direction and just rolling down the road sometimes i dont have clues and just moving on randomly not waiting for a chance nor a miracle  my heart beating fast everytime i feel you and crying deep down everytime you with her find me someone to talk about rivers and the endless nights find me someone to talk about love and loneliness no, no one, it just you unfortunately the only human can walk with me through the storm, the one who never leave her lover for me

Bagaimana aku terduduk dalam diam ini adalah bisumu Bagaimana aku sesak menunggu ini adalah pahitmu Kita bukan sesuatu yang saling bersisihan, tidak pula bertindihan Kita tidak ada untuk saling menyeimbangkan rasa Kita hadir untuk berseberangan Jauh, teramat jauh  Meski kita,  tak terpisahkan

.. .. happy birthday, Bintang! Good Christ be with you. *plup! He gave one hope's baloon for me.. :) Jakarta, 19 November

It was one of my messy day ever. My high temper covering my whole energy. I do what i wanna do in anger, everyone is false, everything is failed. -deep in my heart i knew the time will come, the time i feel so regret for something i did that might hurt people i loved, the time i feel so sorry. But after all, nothing can be better than chose to stop. Take a deep breath then kneel. Oh God, forgive me..   It's all about my self, about my dignity, about my ego. Today is a present. Wind is my smooth blanket, leafs give me a sounds of heaven and sun is my magic wings: the future is in the air.   And for the last, miracle happens by having him besides.   Jakarta, i'm in love.

It is always good to be back here, Let my thoughts increase 'her' creativity by writing and publishing all the things around. I like to feel what i am thinking then write it down, nor i love to write it down then deeply feel it. Sometimes, i completely forgot to whom i got socialized. Some friends of mine told me that i am really great in autism stuffs. I spent many times by doing the things without speak or talk many 'bla bla bla' before i'm done. Well..

After all this long day, After facing many characters and many random conditions, I needs special time to be just me and my self. And after this one whole chaos week and tough moments, I turned off my handphone and make sure to lock my door. Being accompanied by candle light with enjoying my tears that smoothly came out. I am writing here. Waiting for the sounds of God (hopefully), that might talk just for my self. In this silent room and in this deeply sweet atmosphere,  I said to my self, 'take a good rest tonight, let God do the rest' Jakarta, while missing you.